A Letter to My Single Girls: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone | The Blissful Poet

A Letter to My Single Girls: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Dear friend,

I met my husband (aka The Hubs) for our first date on a Monday night when I should have been at home in my sweats watching The Bachelor with a bowl of cereal.

He’d called the day before, interrupting the fit I was having by myself on the bedroom floor. I’d recently graduated from college, moved home, and had no idea what to do with my life, and I was still wrenching the other half of my heart out of someone else’s guitar-calloused cigarette hands.

“God,” I said out loud, wiping my nose on the back of my sleeve. “I’m done now, I promise. Please help me let go of things and people who aren’t good for me. I’m ready to meet the man you’ve picked for me, the one who’s going to love every part of me, not just the convenient or easy parts. The one who’s going to fit. I’m ready to meet him.”

The moment those words lifted, that man called me for the first time. He wanted to take me bowling.

A Letter to My Single Girls: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone | The Blissful Poet

Ever since then he has been drawing me out of my comfort zone. I don’t write about marriage much because we’ve only been married for two-and-a-half years, and I feel wholly unqualified to dole out advice. I’ve known my husband for almost five years now, and I’ve only just realized what he’s been doing this whole time.

He’s been pushing, prodding, taking my hand to help me get out of the safe little box I keep myself confined to, one baby step at a time.

Since I’ve known him, I’ve done things I never would’ve considered or had the chance to do, including:

  • Run a marathon
  • Travel to Italy
  • Squeak sing a duet
  • Be in a play
  • Eat weird new foods (PB & bologna, anyone?)
  • Try new sports (disc golf…I still suck)

And that’s just to name a few. He’s also made me more honest, which has been a lot harder than I could have imagined. Marriage is the ultimate pressure cooker, and everything within a marriage relationship will either push you apart or draw you closer together. I really believe that. It just depends on how you come together to handle life — every aspect of it — as a team. And it will more than pull all of the ugly parts out of you, all those parts you try to hide from everyone else, and spatter them on the walls like a scared, selfish, stubborn Jackson Pollock.

Being married is one of my favorite things ever. I really like eating pancakes and waking up in hotel rooms in different cities and watching American Dad before bed and wearing short sleeves when it finally gets warm again and watching good thrillers and lovin’ on my cat, but I love having a partner-in-crime with whom I can share all of those things. The partnership makes everything sweeter, at least for me. But that’s not necessarily true for everyone. Some people find greater joy in independence than in partnership, and that’s great. Marriage is so much fun, but it should never be a solution to your loneliness, boredom, or insecurity. It should be something you pursue or accept only after you know who you are. Get out of your comfort zone by yourself a few times before you allow someone else to take you there.

Marriage is so much fun, but it should never be a solution to your loneliness, boredom, or insecurity. It should be something you pursue or accept only after you know who you are. | TheBlissfulPoet.com

And hear this: I’m not saying you should marry someone who makes you uncomfortable, or who forces you to do things you truly don’t want to do. What I mean is, when you find your partner-in-crime, it might ease some of your fear. It might make it easier to try new things, because suddenly you’re not doing life alone anymore.

(And no, I’m not trying to diminish the presence of friends or family, who also make life incredibly rich and worthwhile, or the benefits of independence. I’m speaking to the friends who enjoy partnership and know they want a mate for life.)

For someone like me who thrives on close relationships, marriage is the ultimate oxymoron: a comfort zone that takes me out of my comfort zone. And that’s how it should be. The best relationships not only cause you to grow, but they give you room to grow.

Give yourself room to grow.

Then, if you want, find someone who will do the same.

XO,

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